The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
My faith has not been easy lately. I’m in the beginning of a difficult pregnancy following multiple miscarriages, and I have been struggling to place myself with Jesus.
So often I feel myself shying away, ducking under the cover of day-to-day tasks and the bustle of life as a mom and wife. I avert my eyes from Jesus, and I look instead to my feet, trudging endlessly on a path where I do not know the way. I found myself frustrated as I started to write this reflection. How could I possibly speak to others about faith when I’ve found it so hard to trust and so hard to pray?
In the Gospel reading for the 7th Sunday of Easter, John gives us a glimpse of Jesus in prayer. On my first read, I read, “Lifting up his eyes to heaven, Jesus prayed.” I paused, because I felt like a child in that moment, cheeks burning as I overheard an adult mention some of my less desirable behavior. Had I not just thought about how I had kept my eyes down? I nearly closed my laptop. But then I blinked and breathed, and read it again.
“Lifting up his eyes to heaven, Jesus prayed,” I read. This time I read it aloud, and I lifted my own eyes to the ceiling of our living room, feeling momentarily silly. I noticed the irregularities of the texture on our ceiling and the stillness of the fan. Then, with my eyes still lifted skywards, I let my eyes close. I felt the hot prickling of tears behind my eyelids, and I took a deep breath that I had been holding for far too long.
And, just like Jesus, I prayed. Compared to the words of our Lord in today’s Gospel, my own prayer felt halting and broken, like it could never be enough. But we don’t have to be enough.
If we pay attention to how Jesus loves, we will know that He doesn’t need us to be “enough.” He says, “Father, they are your gift to me. I wish that where I am they also may be with me.”
Take heart like I did. Because no matter where you are in your faith, Jesus wants us to be with Him.
Lord Jesus, teach me to pray like you.
Teach me to bare my mind and heart to the Father with complete trust;
Teach me to practice prayer well and often.
Please use the fruits of a healthy prayer life like balm on my heart.
Jesus, I trust in you.
Catherine is a Catholic wife and mom from the Lone Star State. She recently left the classroom to launch her freelance writing business, McStravick Communications, in an effort to be a more present mom. When she’s not writing or playing make-believe games of epic proportions with her son, Catherine loves to read, run, rock climb, and nerd out with her husband over their favorite shows.